Captain On the Fridge!

 

Normally she eats breakfast lying in bed in her "apartment." But, on this particular day she decided to be the captain of her ship. She's calling the shots today!  "Attention on deck! Captain on the Bridge."  And, today she wants to eat breakfast with her children in the kitchen! 

Eating at the kitchen table would be okay if it weren't for two issues: 

Issue #1- "There's no food in the fridge!" Oh, there's plenty of food in the kitchen. fresh fruit, dry fruit, canned goods, and such. There's also plenty of meat in the freezer, and fresh veggies in the bins, but when you open up the fridge all you see is whiteness!

Issue #2- Mom seems to think there should be a TV in every room in the house. There's no TV in the kitchen, just the music playing from an Alexa device! "Why is there no TV in here?" she asks.

It figures that she would want to show up in the kitchen just before shopping day! I'm hyper-panicking, and hyper-ventilating as I try to keep her from looking inside the fridge.

Why can't she just settle for a quick hello and then stroll back to her room and wait to be served like normal old people?  But no, the Captain wants to micromanage everything in the kitchen today, and no doubt, work her way over to the fridge. "Attention On Deck! Captain on the Fridge!"

Breakfast or Bust

 

Some days Mom wakes up in a stern and austere mood. I soon realize that nothing I do for her today is going to go over well. If that wicked scowl didn’t send me the message of her mood, her tone of voice certainly did leaving the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. It seems she woke up from the curse of Maleficent and if that were not enough, she projects the deepest commando man voice I ever heard. A bass voice that literally shakes me to my core. How could this earth-shattering voice possibly come out of this 5ft 2inch little woman's body? 

Breakfast is usually served by 10:00 AM This particular day, the clock strikes 10:01 AM, I hear Mom snatch open her bedroom door and scurry toward the kitchen saying, "Am I going to have breakfast today?" in that all too familiar commando tone. Mind you, just a few weeks ago, before she came to live with me, by her own choice, she not only ate once a day at precisely 2:00 PM, but some days she preferred to just snack.  Now I'm the short-order cook to whom she will gladly let know when something is not quite to her liking - and please, never be late serving her meal. It took everything in me not to reply, “No, Ma’am. We’re fasting today.” But, I swallowed that retort and meekly served her breakfast. 

My favorite request is when she smiles and kindly asks, "Do you have something I can nibble on?" Yes, we must keep 'Miss Nibbler' satisfied. That means keeping ample amounts of corn chips, cookies, and ice cream handy. I don't mind. Whatever keeps her happy is fine with me. 

Accepting Her Reality

 

"Is It Dreary or Sunny?"

As the caregiver, my question is what will this do to my reality over time? I'm afraid that if I crawl into her head, I'll get lost and not find my way back to my own reality.  Like, how do I accept her reality that people are living upstairs over her apartment, when we actually live in a one floor ranch house? How do I accept that although the weather is actually sunny she needs the window blinds closed because the weather is dreadful. How do I accept that I have to be the one to always turn on her bedroom lights and close her bedroom blinds, or move her meal tray even though she gets up several times during the day and at night to go to the bathroom and scampers into the kitchen to find something to nibble on? Am I missing something here?

My greatest fear is that if I start accepting her reality, I'll end up living in it as well. Before you know it I'll be shipped off to the looney bin strapped in a straight jacket long before she ever gets there! 

Angelo and I used to joke about what the other should do if one of us turns senile. "When I go senile just play the same episode of my favorite TV show day and night. I won't know the difference." We would laugh, then add, "When I go senile just play the same R&B song all day long. I'll be happy and that's all that matters." "When I go senile serve the same meal every day, all day and I'll say, '"Ooh look! Something new!"' And lap it up like I never had it before."

Now that we are caregivers we realize nothing could be further from the truth. Mom likes to mix it up. She quickly tires of certain things repeated daily. Like the same fruit cup, or the same dinner meat, or the same fruit juice, or even the same TV show episode.

However, she does keep the same routine. She likes to rise early, watch TV at 8 AM, eat at 10 AM. Her food needs to be cooked to her liking and she retires at precisely 11 PM.  Some days she's the child and on other days she is the picky and critical parent. She argues if there is any deviation from the norm as she sees it on that given day. 

I guess it's true, if you accept their reality by not arguing with them each time they fail to adjust to your own reality, there will be a lot less dementia drama, frustration, and resentment from forgetting. I'll keep working on it. Someone once said, "The burden of adjustment falls on the one who can bear the burden of adjusting." I guess for now, until it's my children's turn to accept my reality, the burden falls on me to accept my Mom's reality.

Keywords: weather humor, loosing ones mind. accepting reality, frustration and resentment, forgetting, senile senility, aging humor, care for an older family member, dealing with memory loss, stories about dealing with dementia

Hashtags:#aginghumor, #caringforanolderfamilymember, #dealingwithmemoryloss, #storiesaboutdealingwithdementia

"The Gardner?"

"Tools of The Trade"

Mom often asks about two people and two people only. The Gardner and her son-in-law, Angelo. We are flattered that Mom thinks the establishment in which she resides comes with a Gardner. Why not? It has two servants who wait on her hand and foot, so why not a Gardener? And while we're at it let's throw in a housekeeper, a concierge nurse, a beautician, a seamstress and a local door-to-door arabber!

But, who is this mystery Gardener she keeps talking about? I hate to break it to her, but sometimes I have to advise her, "We have no Gardener, Mom." "We don't?" Mom replies quite surprised. I continue, "You're referring to Angelo, your son-in-law, who happens to tend to our flowers, vegetable gardens, and does all the yard work." "Oh, so he's the one cutting the grass outside my window." Mom responds chuckling. "Yes, he's the one." I respond laughing too.

It's ironic that Angelo's mother-in-law refers to him as the Gardener. He's the one who tolerated me during our travels across state lines as we went to great lengths to find the ideal home needed to accommodate Mom. He's also the one who actually sketched out the landscape design for the front of our home prior to the move to Pennsylvania. He organized and managed the move, including breaking down the furniture, packing the boxes (with my help of course), and carrying everything into the moving pod.

He single-handedly moved everything into our new home, reattached the furniture, painted the interior and exterior of the house, added wall and window treatments, and executed the landscaping designs, not only in the front yard but the back as well, which allows us to enjoy beautiful indoor and outdoor dedicated spaces. When I think of how he planned it all out and worked non-stop until everything was in it's place, I feel like I fell in love with him all over again. Who knew he had it in him to accomplish all of this with such patience, forethought, spirituality and faith. "I didn't know..." Mom says surprised and amused, "I didn't know Angelo is the Gardener."

Keywords: the gardener, moving, landscaping, organizing, servants, housekeeper, gardening humor

Hashtags: #funnyblogsaboutaging, #careforanolderfamilymember, #funnystoriesaboutcaregiving, #aging humor,#humorousstoriesaboutfamilylife, humorousblogaboutseniors

Got Mints?

"... a peppermint fix!"

It's 5 am in the morning. Angelo and I are finally enjoying the most blissful part of our sleep. There is a knock on our bedroom door.  "Renee!" (not my name!) "Renee, are you awake?" I stir somewhere between sleep and and not so asleep. "Ma'am?" "Renee, are you awake?" "Not until you started knocking on my bedroom door! Mom, what do you want at 5 am in the morning?" I'm so sorry to bother you. But, do you have any mints and cough drops?" My brain is now screaming, What?!? OK someone's sanity meter has just pivoted between loco and wackadoo! "Mom, really! You woke me up for candy?" I ask, still trying to wake up. 

Odd as this experience was, I read in a medical journal that a person with dementia frequently shows little sympathy or empathy for others.  As dementia progresses, dietary restraint decreases while cravings for sugary foods increase. I guess this is to be expected. It doesn't keep me from wanting to open my bathroom window across the hall and scream, HELP! I wobble back to the dresser draw scratching my head. I grab a handful of mints and hand them to her. Now all is right in her world so she thanked me profusely and again apologized for interrupting my sleep.

Maybe, I'll put off opening the bathroom window and screaming for help. After all, most of our neighbors are still sleeping.  And although it's not quite right in my little corner of the world, I'll have no problem getting back to sleep. "Night, night sweetie. Love you." "Good night Mom. Love you too." Getting back into my bed, Angelo rolls over, looks at me and whispers "Are you actually smiling?" Turning over I grin at him and I sigh myself back to sleep.

Keywords: stories about aging, losing dietary restraint, cravings for sugary foods, dementia and loss food cravings,

Hashtags: #storiesaboutsibling #transitioningtoanewhome, #adjustingtonewlivingsituations, #oldersiblingbanter, #conversationsbetweensiblings #funnyphoneconversations

Coming Home - A Smile Speaks Volumes

"Home is where the heart is"

On our way home from a long day out, Mom sat in the passenger seat searching through her pocketbook for a mint. I knew that she was tired and ready to relax. She asked me for the fifty-eleventh time “What day is this?” “It’s Tuesday” I replied. “We’re almost home.” She looked up from her search and asked, “What city is this?” I told her and then she asked looking rather puzzled, “Do I live with you and Angelo?” “Yes” I replied. “Since when?” I looked over to her and said, “For almost a year now.” “I don’t remember that” she said. “I know, Mom” I uttered with a sigh. “But your things are there, and you’ll recognize them when we get home.” 

We soon arrived home. As I pulled up to our front door, I remembered that smile she had on her face as she entered our home, her new home, for the first time almost a year ago. I got her settled in for the evening and as I kissed her good night, I looked at her face, she again had that same smile which filled my heart with satisfaction.

Keywords: heart warming story about aging, forgetfulness and aging, taking care of mother, stories about caregiving, dealing with memory loss

Hashtags: #heartwarmingstoryaboutaging #forgetfulness #takingcareofmother #caregiving #storiesaboutcaregiving

The Case of The Missing Teeth

"Care for a cup of Teeth?"

Completing a meal at a local restaurant, I heard Mom say something about her teeth. In total disbelief, I saw her take her top dentures out and plop them into her cup of coffee. Immediately I insisted that she take them out of the cup and put them back in her mouth. We then proceeded to prepare to leave the restaurant.

Later that evening, my husband and I were enjoying an old family sitcom about a father and daughter who ventured into the woods to pick edible herbs for his daughter's school assignment. When they returned back home the daughter said "I can't find my assignment papers!" She suddenly realized that she left them in the woods 30 miles away. That night a storm was approaching, but her father insisted on going back into the woods to retrieve his daughter's papers. Coincidentally, that very night I heard the sound of Mom opening and closing the dresser drawers. “Mom, what are you looking for?” “I can’t find my teeth!”

I just stood there staring at her while my brain took a minute to process what my ears were hearing. I did a rapid rewind back to the restaurant. "Mom!" I said, dreading her answer. "Did you put your teeth back in while we were in the restaurant?" She grinned showing gaps of missing bottom teeth. That's all we need, disappearing denture drama. Suddenly it occurred to me that when I turned my attention to pay for our meal, she must have plopped her bottom dentures also in her coffee cup. "Oh no..." I thought cringing, "and that was four hours ago!"

I rushed to call the restaurant hoping and praying that by some miracle a kind person found her dentures in the coffee cup and put them aside. To my relief the person who waited on us was still there and she did in fact find them and held on to them for us. With only ten minutes to spare before the restaurant closed, Angelo and I drove into the night to get back the tossed teeth. Whew! The waitress gave them to us nicely wrapped up in gauze while laughing, “Girl" she said, "I’m glad that I saw these. I have a pair myself, so I know that these things ain’t cheap!” She got that right! Now I know better. 

I read somewhere that it's common for someone with dementia to lose their dentures. With memory loss comes denture loss. Whenever I take her out to eat, prior to leaving the restaurant, The first thing I now will ask is, “Do you have everything, including your teeth?”

Keywords: jokes about missing teeth , funny stories about false teeth, denture humor, lighthearted blogs about aging

Hashtags: #funnystoriesaboutaging #denturehumor #agingblogs #aginghumor #agingwisdom

The First Man I Ever...

 

"My Forever Love"

I remember reading a family reunion planning article titled "The Walk of Your Life." It included a scene from one of my favorite movies, about man who experienced the loss of his wife and the mother of his children. They all had a dire need to reconnect to her and to each other, so they decided to do something rather odd. They took a walk.  But not just any walk. It was the walk of their lives. The father took his children to a street in town where he first met their mother. They walked to a restaurant where they sat at the very same table where their dad met is future wife for the very first time. The children heard a touching story of how their parents fell in love right then and there. 

I imagined merging the present with the past by taking such a walk with my parents.  To see, touch and hear my parents romantic story come to life right before my eyes in a way I never experienced before.  Maybe that's what my mother has been trying to do in her later years.

To the consternation of her children my mother has had the habit of talking about how she met my father in her early years while living in New York City. The story often follows when the family decides to focus on someone's wedding anniversary or someone is describing a nice trip they took - she would interrupt and say, "Me and Donnie used to do that too." (Names are changed to protect the innocent.) "He was my first love. The first man I ever made love to."  

Mom would even tell total strangers her story whether they cared to listen or not. But when she interjected her story at a family gathering the males of the family would laugh and protest, "Mom, please stop! We don't want to hear the details of your love life!" But she ignores their desperate hand-over-the-ears plea for mercy and keep plowing on with her story.  Her words, "He was the first man to ever...", would quickly be followed by... "Augh, please, no Mom!!!"

If the sounds of agony from the guys were not enough, she often got the stories of her husband mixed up with those about a later boyfriend. So, when she says, "Donnie and I met at our workplace.” The women of the clan would chime in with, "Mom, that wasn't how you met Dad, that was how you met your boyfriend, Daryl." At the same time my poor brother would double over, acting like someone's fingernails were scratching down the surface of a chalk board. Me, my sister, my aunt and the rest of the girls are more than happy to help her piece back together her love story. After all, she only has one true love story to tell. 

So Mom, you go on trying to remember your story. We're here ready to take that stroll with you down the streets of New York City in 1958 and experience 'the walk of your life' together.

Keywords: funny love stories, young love, funny memories about youth, embarrassing family situations, aging comedy, aging humor

Hashtags: #funnylovestories, #storiesofyounglove, #funnymemories, #embarassingsituations, #agingcomedy, #aginghumor, 

"My New Apartment" - Part 2

" I will whisper on my pillow..."

After they exhaust the competitive sibling banter about whose health is better, and whose day was most blessed, Mom's sister finally asks her the big question, "How do you like your new place?" Mom's answer will be the pivotal moment that defines her thoughts on the quality of caregiving I've been providing. What she says will reveal what is really going on in her mind and heart since she's been living here these past few weeks.  

To my surprise her answer came swift and concise. "I love my apartment! the Gardner is so busy working on the grounds, and the people in the lobby are nice too, but the cook's kitchen doesn't stay open all day." Apartment? Gardener? People in the Lobby? We have a short-order cook in the kitchen?  Where does Mom think she's living?!? In a five star hotel in Dubai? She continues... "It's a beautiful place, and Marie and Angelo are taking such good care of me.  I'm so blessed to be here!"

Do I hear the melodic voices of angels singing?  I do hear them. They're singing, "Aaaaaaah!" 

It meant the world to me to know that my Mom likes it here. She likes her bedroom, she likes the imaginary people in the imaginary lobby, She likes the short-order cook in the kitchen, and let's not forget the mystery Gardener. And, wow, she actually called me by my birth name!  

All our blood, sweat, and tears searching for the right house, packing, traveling back and forth, storing our belongings, moving, unpacking and settling in was not in vain. Best of all, she called this house a beautiful home. Tonight I will sleep a very sweet sleep. When I awake in the wee hours of the night (as I so often do.), and think about what she said, I will smile a warm smile and whisper on my pillow, "I love you too, Mom."

Keywords: stories about transitioning to a new home, blogs about living in a new household, humorous sibling banter, conversations between siblings, funny phone conversations

Hashtags: #storiesaboutsibling #transitioningtoanewhome, #adjustingtonewlivingsituations, #oldersiblingbanter, #conversationsbetweensiblings #funnyphoneconversations 

"My New Apartment" - Part 1

"Settling into the new home"

Once we got Mom settled into her bedroom in our new home, I was determined to do everything I could to help her adjust to her new living situation.  Her eagerly anticipating the move over the past few years certainly helped. She would often boast to her sister Eleanor that she's going to live with her daughter and son-in-law in Hawaii any time now. Having to recover from a fall, her plans were put on hold. Mom spent a couple of months in a rehab facility in Maryland before moving to her new home with us in Pennsylvania (no, not Hawaii).

After just a few short weeks in the rehab facility she demanded to be released immediately. This frustration made her anticipate her move to a new place all the more. Wisely we kept her bedroom furniture and dining room china cabinet. We arranged her bedroom furniture in her new room the same way she had it setup in Maryland.

After getting Mom settled in it was time for her to contact her older sister, Eleanor. At the golden age of 91, Aunt Eleanor still gets around, traveling from her home in Virginia to South Carolina and Maryland regularly.  Anxious to find out how her little sister was getting along in her new home, she makes a long distance call to PA.

Their initial greetings and banter is a total riot. "You know I haven't heard from you in weeks." Aunt Eleanor insists, "Ellie, (Eleanor's nickname) I just talked to you yesterday.", Mom replies "No, you didn't Annie Jo. I called you yesterday but you didn't pick up the phone." "Eleanor!" Mom seldom calls her sister Eleanor unless she's about to make an emphatic argument to end all arguments and not to be questioned again. "We definitely talked yesterday, but I was eating my lunch and I told you I would call you back." Now Aunt Eleanor and I both know that this conversation never occurred, but Auntie realizes it's pointless to argue any further. Sissy has once again closed the books on the case. And when Mom closes the books on a case there is nothing anyone can do about it.

Finally, we get to move on to a different subject. "How have you been Sis?" Aunt Eleanor asks. "Thank God, I've been doing very well!" Mom replies. "I'm so glad that I can still get around, I am blessed and so very thankful!" Understand that my mother can make a horrible episode sound like a blessing from the Lord. She has a way of sharpening her tone of voice and speaking with such confidence that even the most skeptical person will think she is speaking the holy truth. "Well that's really good!" Auntie replies.

Sooner or later the focus will be on family gossip and more sisterly banter. Normally Mom would be a bit miffed from hearing about events she may have missed, but lately she has not been perturbed in the least. She's come to value her solitude. The conversation continues to go smoothly. But that may very well be the quiet before the coming storm...

Keywords: stories about transitioning to a new home, blogs about living in a new household, humorous sibling banter, conversations between siblings, funny phone conversations

Hashtags: #storiesaboutsibling #transitioningtoanewhome, #adjustingtonewlivingsituations, #oldersiblingbanter, #conversationsbetweensiblings #funnyphoneconversations 

My Adventures as Mom's Caregiver - New Beginnings

"A Caregivers Beginning"

“Family” ---when I hear that word it still makes me feel warm and fuzzy. My story starts after my premature birth as Mom stroked and held my tiny hand in the incubator every day at the hospital for two months until she was able to bring me home. She swaddled, cuddled, nurtured, fed, cared, comforted, and taught me with abiding love.

My childhood is filled with precious memories of bursting outdoors to play with friends, stepping over my brother's Matchbox car sets and laughing over board games, playing with jacks, bat and ball sets, dolls, going to the movies, and frequenting concerts. As a family of loving parents and three children, the eldest being me, we also enjoyed numerous fun family gatherings and trips. My father was from North Carolina, the son of a Baptist Preacher and the youngest of twelve. He was a charismatic fun-loving man who retired from being a juice distributor for over five decades. He enjoyed traveling, fishing and entertaining his family and friends. He taught my brother, Lamar, important life lessons and how to be a man. Their bond became a deep and lasting friendship. Although at the end, Dad lived with Alzheimer's disease, he was frequently heard saying, "life don't owe me no change because I lived a long, happy, and satisfying life with no regrets."

Born in South Carolina, my Mom was the youngest of eight. After graduating from high school she moved from her family's farm in the country to the Big Apple, New York City, under the care of an older relative. Mom is sweet, charming, a devout church goer and was a proud hard working woman until her retirement. By her example of dress, grooming, and public decorum she taught me and my sister, Renee, the true essence of being a lady. She managed her household and finances so well that I aspire to follow suit. 

Due to the onset of dementia my siblings and I met to discuss our mother's ongoing care. Fortunately, prior to this need we held a family meeting with our Mother to discuss in detail her living will, medical directive, end of life preferences, and to set up her legal power of attorney. Because I am retired and have the circumstances to accommodate our Mom, my husband and I are her personal caregivers. We're talking about family here and you only have one mother. She's the same woman who carried me in her womb for seven months until my premature birth. Mom's daily routine of reading the Bible and hearing her frequent prayers awakened my spirituality. It's only proper to do whatever is necessary to make her comfortable and happy, especially now when she needs me most. This is my way of continuing to demonstrate the respect and honor that she deserves. However, when the roles are  reversed, it can get emotionally exhausting. We’ve all heard of the saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Well, when writing this blog that is mainly my intention to keep a positive twist on life. You know, looking at the glass as being half full even though at times it's half full of nuts!

Keywords: humorous story about aging, stories about dealing with dementia, life growing up, funny tails about retirement, funny journals about caregiving, the funny side of getting older, taking care of an older family member, aging comedy

Hashtags: #aginghumor, #dealingwithdementia, #lifegrowingup, #funnytalesaboutretirement, #funnyjournalsaboutcaregiving, #thefunnysideofgettingolder, #takingcareofanolderfamilymember, #agingcomedy, #talesofacaregiver