As the caregiver, my question is what will this do to my reality over time? I'm afraid that if I crawl into her head, I'll get lost and not find my way back to my own reality. Like, how do I accept her reality that people are living upstairs over her apartment, when we actually live in a one floor ranch house? How do I accept that although the weather is actually sunny she needs the window blinds closed because the weather is dreadful. How do I accept that I have to be the one to always turn on her bedroom lights and close her bedroom blinds, or move her meal tray even though she gets up several times during the day and at night to go to the bathroom and scampers into the kitchen to find something to nibble on? Am I missing something here?
My greatest fear is that if I start accepting her reality, I'll end up living in it as well. Before you know it I'll be shipped off to the looney bin strapped in a straight jacket long before she ever gets there!
Angelo and I used to joke about what the other should do if one of us turns senile. "When I go senile just play the same episode of my favorite TV show day and night. I won't know the difference." We would laugh, then add, "When I go senile just play the same R&B song all day long. I'll be happy and that's all that matters." "When I go senile serve the same meal every day, all day and I'll say, '"Ooh look! Something new!"' And lap it up like I never had it before."
Now that we are caregivers we realize nothing could be further from the truth. Mom likes to mix it up. She quickly tires of certain things repeated daily. Like the same fruit cup, or the same dinner meat, or the same fruit juice, or even the same TV show episode.
However, she does keep the same routine. She likes to rise early, watch TV at 8 AM, eat at 10 AM. Her food needs to be cooked to her liking and she retires at precisely 11 PM. Some days she's the child and on other days she is the picky and critical parent. She argues if there is any deviation from the norm as she sees it on that given day.
I guess it's true, if you accept their reality by not arguing with them each time they fail to adjust to your own reality, there will be a lot less dementia drama, frustration, and resentment from forgetting. I'll keep working on it. Someone once said, "The burden of adjustment falls on the one who can bear the burden of adjusting." I guess for now, until it's my children's turn to accept my reality, the burden falls on me to accept my Mom's reality.
Keywords: weather humor, loosing ones mind. accepting reality, frustration and resentment, forgetting, senile senility, aging humor, care for an older family member, dealing with memory loss, stories about dealing with dementia
Hashtags:#aginghumor, #caringforanolderfamilymember, #dealingwithmemoryloss, #storiesaboutdealingwithdementia
