Moments Well Spent

Last week I heard my Mom fiddling with something in the corner of her room so I went in to see if she needed assistance. She was trying to reconnect her TV, so I asked, “Mom, why did you disconnect the TV?” Frustrated she said, “I don’t know who disconnected it.” I replied, “Well, you’re the only one who is in this room.” She then sadly looked at me and stated, “Since turning 40 years old, I can’t do anything right anymore.” First, I had to stop myself from chuckling because how is it that she’s now twenty-four years younger than me? Then the kicker was what she said next, “I wish that my children were here with me.” Now, I simply wanted to cry. Instead, I reconnected her television, turned to her favorite show and then gently kissed her forehead while saying, “That’s okay, you have me here.” She then smiled and said, “Girl I’m certainly glad of that!”

I recently read an inspiring quote that touched my heart, “We only get so many moments in our lifetime, and we can't relive a single one." I never want to look back over my life and have regrets. Therefore, I decided to do things with my Mom now that will create more good memories with her while I can still do so.

Knowing that my Mom enjoys music just as I do, I asked her if she wanted to watch one of my favorite television shows.  When I told her that I would sit and watch it with her. She gladly agreed. Not surprisingly she asked several times “What’s the name of this show?” I turned to the channel and showed her, and then she would state, “I’ve never seen this before.” I periodically asked if she was enjoying it and she said that she was. She laughed and even sang along with the contestants a few times. It was a very pleasant experience for both of us.

The next night I asked her if she wanted to watch the show again with me and she said yes. I gladly turned to the channel and sat back to enjoy the episode. Well, after the fifth time of her asking, “What’s the name of this show?” and “I’ve never seen this show before.” I began to question if this was going to work. You see, this was usually my time to sit back and be entertained without interruptions. But instead, I took a deep breath and politely answered her questions and described what was happening in the show. She began to laugh again and really took delight in the episode. Afterwards, when I was preparing to leave the room, she said “Thank you for spending the evening with me.” That was more than I could ever ask for because sweet memories are woven from good times. Even if those memories are just mine,  she knew that I spent precious time with her.

Learning Never Stops

I enjoy organizing, researching and fact-finding while planning events, trips, and in fact basically everything that I know will affect my life. So, it was no different when preparing to become my mother’s permanent caregiver. However, there are plenty of things that I still had to learn along the way and am still discovering because caring for someone who has dementia or needs memory care management is unique to each person. So, to help other caregivers, here are a few tips and lessons that I find valuable to making my life a little easier..

SOME LESSONS I LEARNED

·        Never argue. Dementia leaves a patient with little age-appropriate reasoning ability.

·        Rather than argue, distract. Point out something that takes your loved one’s mind away from the present situation.

·        White lies are okay. Make it easy on yourself.

·        Monitor your voice and facial expression. A cheerful voice and countenance, even if you are angry, results in a positive response.

·        Avoid the word “remember.” Instead, relate an incident or look at a photograph and see if a memory is triggered.

·        If you don’t understand what your loved one is saying, pick one word you do understand and word your question using that word.

·        Maintain normalcy as much as possible. Change may cause irritation and frustration for your loved one.

·        Get a professional, like the doctor or DMV, to deliver hard communications. Such as telling your loved one that they must stop driving.

·        Take over the finances before a disaster occurs.

·        Get help. Hire in-home care, even if only for a few hours, to relieve yourself of 24/7 care. Then do something you enjoy.

·        Join a support group. It is essential to your wellbeing.

SOME IMPORTANT TIPS

      ·       Child-lock cabinet that holds cleaning products and medicines.

·       Danger-proof the room to minimize possible hazards such as removing liquid perfumes and fingernail polish remover. I discovered the importance of this when I walked into the room and found my Mom rubbing her hands and telling me that it’s lotion, but my nose and the bottle told me differently… it was fingernail polish remover. So, I quickly removed all liquids from her room. I placed in the bathroom a bottle of lotion with a pump and she has a small jar of Vaseline in her nightstand drawer per her request.

·       Use a pop-up cap on the tube of toothpaste. This can be washed and reused with each new tube. This will prevent the small twist-off cap that the tube comes with from getting lost, dropping on the floor or worse falling in the toilet.

·       Keep incontinence products in an easily accessible location in the bathroom for your loved one to maintain their dignity.

·        Provide your loved one with picture instructions to follow on how to use the remote, cell phone, etc.

·       In your loved one’s bedroom hang pictures of close family members and friends.

·       Purchase a mood lamp if your loved one experiences weather-related mood changes. My Mom says, “it’s scary” whenever it’s cloudy outside.

·       Keep available and ready for the “asking” any items that your loved one frequently uses. My Mom will eventually ask me for a box of facial tissues, room deodorizer, mints, cough drops, or Vaseline, so I just go in my stash drawer and quickly present her with her request and everyone is happy.